H u m o r A r c h i v e s
January 2001
Top 10 Reasons to be an Episcopalian
1. Whatever you believe, there's at least one Episcopalian out there who agrees
with you.
2. Guitar-toting priests.
3. The ability to regurgitate scripture is not a requirement.
4. We have the "Rite" to meet your need; if there's an
occasion, we have a prayer.
5. Real wine.
6. We can believe in dinosaurs.
7. Cardiovascular fitness (sit, stand, kneel ... repeat).
8. The only Episcopalians on TV are politicians.
9. More committees than members.
10. Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
— via the University
of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Episcopal Campus Ministry
The Not-So-Heavenly Feast
A Roman Catholic, a Jew and an Episcopalian arrive at the Pearly Gates at the same time. St. Peter shows up, and the Roman Catholic steps forward to be let into Heaven. "Nope," says St. Peter, "you ate meat on Friday." As the Catholic heads for the other place, the Jew steps forward and asks to be admitted. "Sorry," says St. Peter, "you ate pork." The Jew departs, and the Episcopalian steps forward, confidence intact. "Sorry", says St. Peter, "you don't get in either." "What did I do?" asks the Episcopalian. Replies St. Peter: "You used the wrong salad fork!"
Things They Teach in Sunday School
The Sunday School lesson was about how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when he learned that Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Later that week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill. "Johnny, what’s the matter?" his mother asked. The little boy responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife!"
The Lord's Prayer for 4-year-olds
A particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets. Amen."
Prayers for Type A Personalities
Pancakes
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Hearing that, Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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